Convicted.

I lead worship at the penitentiary today.

I WAS TERRIFIED.

I drove up to the building by myself with a vague idea of what I was supposed to be doing and no clue where I was supposed to do it. There were inmates outside cleaning up the leaves on the ground and I didn't know whether I was to talk to them or not to talk to them...but then they talked to me and then I just didn't know what to do --you see what I mean?

I decided as I walked inside that I wasn't going to let fear make me rude to these people and I wasn't going to think of myself in a higher position than I really am in comparison. The only difference between me and everyone in that room is the choices we made from our circumstances.

Anyway, long story short it was a great experience. My fear seemed to skyrocket with the slamming of the metal doors and the clink of all the metal on metal. It was all very intense. As I climbed the stairs to the chapel I expected the room and the men in it to be more...frightening.

But, to my surprise, there were stained glass windows and images of Jesus all around the room. The light came in beautifully. The carpet was typical church flooring and it seemed just like a regular church or chapel somewhere, except everyone was wearing the same outfit.

The other musician and I made our way down to the center of the "stage" area and there were mic stands and guitar stands, even music stands. I realized that I was being treated better there at the prison than I have been at some churches I've lead worship for. The inmates were very helpful and followed all the rules, none of them invaded my personal space or asked me questions about my life that were inappropriate.

After I had sang a couple songs, and the other musician had done the same, I felt God impress on me to speak about some pages I had read out of Diogenes Allen's book Spiritual Theology. I was totally down to do it until I found the pages I needed and looked at what I had written on the bottom.

Conviction.

You guys, I'm not kidding I went to the prison today and talked to convicted inmates about being convicted by the Holy Spirit. I thought "surely I will offend them" and I thought about all the ways that I was unqualified to talk about the subject and this and that.

But I remembered that I'm not really qualified to do any kind of ministering to people without the Spirit of God anyway, so...I went for it!

I'm not even sure what I said but I know that they understood me. I was blatant about the comparison between the conviction they all had received to even be in the room and the conviction of the Holy Spirit. In fact, I clearly remember saying "I know you all understand that the word conviction means something totally different in here than it does outside," and it does. In fact, it seemed like every head in the room nodded in agreement.

Those men in that room with me clearly understand what it means to be convicted.

I remember talking about how Spiritual Theology contests that the test to see if we are truly Christians, or truly following God is to check: "do I want my life to look like God's?" or do I really want to be obedient and follow God's word about me and my life? Am I being transformed? Those are the questions that need to be answered.

We talked about practicing God's presence and many other subjects. But, for this blog I will just tell you that when God calls you to do things that are literally terrifying -- just know that the safest place to be is inside of His will.

Even if he calls you to Antartica or to talk to prisoners about the meaning of conviction and following Jesus --inside the will of God is the best place for you to be.

2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.  Romans 12:2 (NIV)

Accidentally Walking Away from God?

I'm learning something very important right now.

Has God ever taught you a lesson like 4 times in a row in different ways and it still doesn't click until...it does? I am so blessed by His patience and mercy with me.

God is the one who saves people. 

Read it again.

God is the one who saves people.

God is the one who changes hearts. It is his Spirit that moves inside of the deepest parts of us and changes us from the inside out. To the point where we can no longer recognize ourselves. It is Jesus. It is God.

Yet, I find myself trying to put my fingers in the clay.

"But God, I can help You. I can."

The only "But God" that I need to pay attention to is "But God, who is rich in mercy..." That, is what is the focus. I heard once at a conference that the story of earth is called History for a reason. His  + story. I am an extra in a grand tale of love, faithfulness, and heartache.

In no way do I mean to say that I am not important in the eyes of God or in His story. What I mean to say is that I, Elizabeth, am not the main character of the story. Not even of my own life. If I were the main character the story would be filled with hopelessness and doubt. But, with God in the starring role there is hope and redemption. There is peace.

When we are the main character of the story it is up to us in a way, to be the best. All of the pressure is on us. We have to act a certain way, talk, be, do, all of it. Everything must be perfect. Yet, because of the fall of man, there is nothing innately perfect about me. Only the Jesus within me.

In fact, when I was in youth group the other night with my students the speaker said something that hit me so deeply.

"Living a life of legalism is walking away from God."

For all of our trying to get close to him, and all of our doing just the right things -- it doesn't work. That very lifestyle pulls us away from the reality and the character of God.

When I sin, I have two options. The first choice is in line with legalism, I can sit up straight and swear I'll never do it again and just try really hard, hoping and praying that God will forgive me (or even knowing that God will forgive me and therefore brushing it off) or I can fall into grace and to my knees in worship, repenting and growing deeper with God.

I tell you what guys, the speaker that night at youth group was reading my mail! He said that the life of grace allows you to fall back into worship when you sin and the life of legalism is what drives you away from God. My trying to save myself, is what leads me away from God.

I don't know who reads these or what situations you're facing. But, I do know this: the sin in your life is not a surprise to God. He's not confused or freaked out by what you've done or even what you will do. It says in Romans that while we were yet sinners...we were in enmity with God, full on partners with the world --Jesus came and died.

God doesn't need us to be perfect so we can save our neighbors or be allowed into heaven or any of that. It is our imperfections that rub against one another to create polished silver. For some reason, God chose relationships to be the medium through which he shapes and forms us into the image of his son. He makes beauty out of ashes.

I implore you, don't let sin take another day, another hour, another minute away from your relationship with Jesus. Don't let the guilt you "should feel" or the guilt you do feel push you away from God. Yes, sin is ugly and can not be tolerated but Jesus came to pay the price for all of it.

I promise you the enemy will try to make you feel stupid for not figuring out sooner, or he will tell you that it's too late, you don't have what it takes, he will tell you anything to make you feel like God can't handle whatever you've got going on.

Push through. A broken and contrite heart will never be despised. Repent and walk with me towards God in humility and not away from him in legalism.